Thursday, September 19, 2013
I'm 41 years old. I'm guessing most people who have known me over the last 37 years of those 41 years already knew this, because I'm guessing you could tell by the time I was about three. My crayons were arranged rainbow style in my 64-count crayon box. This was not the need for order, this was the need for control. The crayons should be that way. They make sense that way. It is the perfect way for them to be arranged. If I had been able to have things my way, I would have re-arranged everyone else's crayons in the same way. I told my mom sometime earlier this year that everything in her house, regardless of age, could be described on eBay as being in the same condition as it was NIB (New in Box) -- we say we become our parents, or we are the product of their input --- my house is not NIB by far, but my desire to have things the way I want them is the same motivation.
My husband's grandmother had dementia for nearly 10 years. The signs were obvious to my husband and I several years earlier than his mom was willing to recognize the problem. Over the last eight years it had become common for her to not fully recognize or know various relatives and friends. After a bad fall in April and as she approached her 92nd birthday we knew the end was near. My husband and I had a chance to visit her without the kids which was nice and she hung about two months longer than we had anticipated. Because of this, the school year had started for our kids and we had events several big events scheduled for well into the month of September. Sometime in mid-July I began to obsess (there is no other word for it) over when Grandmother would pass and how we would handle having the kids miss school and how we would handle it if we had to miss one of our planned events. I knew the priority was family, but this did not stop me from losing sleep, changing plans, and desperately worrying about what we would do and how we would handle every possible scenario. Control freak! I felt as though God was patting me on the head and saying "Um sweetie, it doesn't matter how freaked out you get over the timing of this, it is outside your control and you're going to have to live with that."
Since then at every turn I'm seeing this recurring theme -- "This too is beyond your control..." More on this later -- other things I needed to control need my attention at the moment!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Two of Me... I wish a had a spare me to do the following : wash clothes all day every day. Until I can convince my family that "Naked Tuesday" is a good idea -- just so Mom can catch up on the laundry -- I will never be done. The trouble is that while this second me is doing laundry she keeps noticing other things that need doing, which is why I wish there were...
Three of Me... With One of Me doing my writing, feeling productive and making money and Two of Me staying on top of the laundry, this third me could just focus on household projects, like sorting and cleaning and reorganizing and painting and shopping. She'd be smiling all the time because she would be accomplishing great things and not worrying about the time it was taking away from the other stuff because One of Me would be doing the writing and Two of Me would be keeping the laundry in order. But this Third me still sort of wishes that there was ....
Four of Me... This one would just do fun things for and with my family all the time. We would play games and watch movies. We would run around outside. We would never have to go shopping (because Three of Me was taking care of that) So we could just go to the playground or the museum or on vacation (because One of Me would be making enough money not being distracted by other things that Two and Three of Me were taking care of, that there would be enough money for memberships at all the cool museums and still extra for ice cream.) The only thing Four of Me wishes is that perhaps there were...
Five of Me -- This one would be in charge of just one thing -- Scrapbooking all the fun things that Four of Me was doing with the kids!
Monday, September 20, 2010
A friend sent this to me this morning. It seems to fit and I don't want to forget it.
A PENCIL MAKER TOLD THE PENCIL 5 IMPORTANT LESSONS JUST BEFORE PUTTING IT IN THE BOX :
1.) EVERYTHING YOU DO WILL ALWAYS LEAVE A MARK.
2.) YOU CAN ALWAYS CORRECT THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE.
3.) WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU.
4.) IN LIFE, YOU WILL UNDERGO PAINFUL SHARPENINGS,
WHICH WILL ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER.
5.) TO BE THE BEST PENCIL, YOU MUST ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HELD AND GUIDED BY THE HAND THAT HOLDS YOU.
We all need to be constantly sharpened. This parable may encourage you to know that you are a special person, with unique God-given talents and abilities. Only you can fulfill the purpose which you were born to accomplish. Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot be changed and, like the pencil, always remember that the most important part of who you are, is what's inside of you.